Techno-Luddite Homemaking

Despite living in a greater metro area lousy with drugstores, I've
just ordered toothpaste online. Why? Because we've been gifted with
an 18 month old who clamors to brush her teeth and I refuse to corrupt
that impulse with sparkly candy crapola. She doesn't need to be
tricked--she's quite happy to brush along with us, even if her
technique needs a great deal of work. She certainly doesn't need to
associate bubblegum flavor with cleanliness. She needs something
basic sans fluoride and sans fucking sparkles--sparkles are for the
bath, not eating. Something, in short, that doesn't piss me
off.

Bad enough that it took me a month to find a wee toothbrush
without marketing (and every time she stops to ponder the happy
generic duckies on the handle I feel vindicated on that score)--we're
fast running out of the tiny tube of discontinued Burt's Bees
children's toothpaste she uses.

I've tried to find Tom's of Maine stuff locally, but the selection is
either fluoridated or fennel-flavored. She's an adventurous eater,
but I can't stand the smell of licorice or fennel. So I found the
good stuff online: non-fluoride "silly strawberry" for her and an
intriguing tube of fluoridated "cinnamon clove" for me.

I made peace with the idea of fruit and spice flavors, after all, mint
is an herb. Bubblegum is still way beyond the pale, however. Is this
generational, or cultural? Am I the only one who finds candy-flavored
dentifrice for children disturbingly counterproductive? It strikes me
as akin to Funyun-scented soap for teens. If I'm odd I'll cop to it*,
I just want to take the cultural temp here.

*After all, Mr. F and I spent fifteen minutes in Yankee Candle
this weekend picking out a handful of votives for the bathroom that,
in theory, would still smell okay with the addition of poop (by
experience we know that all 'baked goods' scents are straight
out).