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2013 can go fuck itself - a play festival
Jan. 3rd, 2014 11:46 pmOkay, so it wasn't all bad. There were some lovely things, and I didn't lose anybody I loved. But when it got bad, it tended to really dogpile. In a rough sketch:
Health, Act One: FeldDad went from zero-to-heart-patient when he started gasping for air in January with a 99% blockage of the main coronary artery that cardiologists call 'the widowmaker'. After a double bypass in April he now feels better than he has in years.
Health, Act Two: FeldMom had an eight inch section of her gut removed due to a stricture so small that corn niblets couldn't pass through. Another full recovery. But Mom was on a Monday, Dad on a Friday that same week, in two different hospitals.
Health, Act Three: Mr. F did an eight-day stint in yet another hospital, for something apparently ideopathic ("we don't know why this happened") and transient ("things seem a-okay now") yet at the time shit-scary ("let's roll a saving throw on that kidney, shall we?"). Act Three's audience participation was that this was concurrent with my losing a seven-week pregnancy.
[Caveat: In no way am I making any statement about miscarriage in general, or trying to be flip, I can only speak for myself in this particular instance. A person feels how they feel. This was wanted and a wrenching disappointment, I'm still baby-crazy, it couldn't have happened at a worse time, it was uncomplicated and I handled it un-medically, it felt like a version of labor for about six hours, I had more important shit to take care of, it took about two months afterward to stop feeling that I was a quart low on blood, for me it did not parse as a loss of a baby but the loss of a pregnancy and the hope that came with finally catching a spark--what stabs in a lingering twinge is the trepidation that what I really lost was my last chance]
Job, Act Zero: I had a part-time gig as an accounting clerk for a narcissist with negative people skills. It had amazing flexibility of hours. I listened to a lot of podcasts. It started as a favor for a business acquaintance and I stayed for over a year. One day, after two major attempts at actual communication with this woman over the previous few months failed, I simply walked out.
Job, Act One: Mr. F opened a business this fall, which is developing nicely, and I'm getting used to the whole hair-raising entrepreneurial thing.
Job, Act Two: I still have two other part-time gigs, one of which putters along at ten hours a month and I only bother to invoice 2-3x a year. The other I'm not sure it if will get off the ground because communication is again an issue--only this time it's lack of goal clarity and the nagging feeling that if I overstep a boundary this person will simply grit their teeth and not tell me. I do not have time to coddle this situation.
Job, Act Three: I now have a full-time gig, in a field that uses my qualifications, at a company with a shockingly collegial work culture so far. I'm not making bank, and the shifts are a bit too varied sometimes, but it's remarkably inoffensive even at about two months in.
Art, Act One: I did a watercolor this summer. Okay, it was a quick sketch at the beach, but it turned out well, it isn't fussy, and I just let it happen. I'm calling it progress.
Art, Act Two: I'm at 19,441 words deep into something, which has been in a holding pattern since November (Health, Act Three was immediately followed by Job, Act Three, which put the kibosh on writing for a while).
Art, Act Three: I wrote fic! Plural! It's been ages!
Health, Act One: FeldDad went from zero-to-heart-patient when he started gasping for air in January with a 99% blockage of the main coronary artery that cardiologists call 'the widowmaker'. After a double bypass in April he now feels better than he has in years.
Health, Act Two: FeldMom had an eight inch section of her gut removed due to a stricture so small that corn niblets couldn't pass through. Another full recovery. But Mom was on a Monday, Dad on a Friday that same week, in two different hospitals.
Health, Act Three: Mr. F did an eight-day stint in yet another hospital, for something apparently ideopathic ("we don't know why this happened") and transient ("things seem a-okay now") yet at the time shit-scary ("let's roll a saving throw on that kidney, shall we?"). Act Three's audience participation was that this was concurrent with my losing a seven-week pregnancy.
[Caveat: In no way am I making any statement about miscarriage in general, or trying to be flip, I can only speak for myself in this particular instance. A person feels how they feel. This was wanted and a wrenching disappointment, I'm still baby-crazy, it couldn't have happened at a worse time, it was uncomplicated and I handled it un-medically, it felt like a version of labor for about six hours, I had more important shit to take care of, it took about two months afterward to stop feeling that I was a quart low on blood, for me it did not parse as a loss of a baby but the loss of a pregnancy and the hope that came with finally catching a spark--what stabs in a lingering twinge is the trepidation that what I really lost was my last chance]
Job, Act Zero: I had a part-time gig as an accounting clerk for a narcissist with negative people skills. It had amazing flexibility of hours. I listened to a lot of podcasts. It started as a favor for a business acquaintance and I stayed for over a year. One day, after two major attempts at actual communication with this woman over the previous few months failed, I simply walked out.
Job, Act One: Mr. F opened a business this fall, which is developing nicely, and I'm getting used to the whole hair-raising entrepreneurial thing.
Job, Act Two: I still have two other part-time gigs, one of which putters along at ten hours a month and I only bother to invoice 2-3x a year. The other I'm not sure it if will get off the ground because communication is again an issue--only this time it's lack of goal clarity and the nagging feeling that if I overstep a boundary this person will simply grit their teeth and not tell me. I do not have time to coddle this situation.
Job, Act Three: I now have a full-time gig, in a field that uses my qualifications, at a company with a shockingly collegial work culture so far. I'm not making bank, and the shifts are a bit too varied sometimes, but it's remarkably inoffensive even at about two months in.
Art, Act One: I did a watercolor this summer. Okay, it was a quick sketch at the beach, but it turned out well, it isn't fussy, and I just let it happen. I'm calling it progress.
Art, Act Two: I'm at 19,441 words deep into something, which has been in a holding pattern since November (Health, Act Three was immediately followed by Job, Act Three, which put the kibosh on writing for a while).
Art, Act Three: I wrote fic! Plural! It's been ages!
Vasilisa (799 words) by feldman
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Characters: Natasha Romanov, Bruce Banner
Additional Tags: Secretly a Virgin, SHIELD has the best acronyms
Summary:
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Farscape
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Characters: Bialar Crais, Pa'u Zotoh Zhaan, Scorpius (Farscape)
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Teachers, Alternate Universe - High School
Summary:
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Farscape
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Characters: Dominar Rygel XVI, D'Argo Sun-Crichton
Additional Tags: Accidental Baby Acquisition
Series: Part 5 of John Hughes AU
Summary:
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Iron Man (Movies)
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Characters: Pepper Potts, Bruce Banner
Additional Tags: Handcuffed Together, Extremis is the third heat, friends don't let friends smoke
Summary:
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Characters: Natasha Romanov, Bruce Banner
Additional Tags: Secretly a Virgin, SHIELD has the best acronyms
Summary:
I see your Russian (Method Acting) Stoicism, and raise you Compassionate (Anger Management) Buddhism.
Can't Think of a Word that Rhymes (675 words) by feldmanChapters: 1/1
Fandom: Farscape
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Characters: Bialar Crais, Pa'u Zotoh Zhaan, Scorpius (Farscape)
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Teachers, Alternate Universe - High School
Summary:
There are times Mr. Crais regrets passing the background check to become a teacher.
Telemachus (416 words) by feldmanChapters: 1/1
Fandom: Farscape
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Characters: Dominar Rygel XVI, D'Argo Sun-Crichton
Additional Tags: Accidental Baby Acquisition
Series: Part 5 of John Hughes AU
Summary:
The Dominar has a soft spot for the scrappy.
Orange Sunshine (716 words) by feldmanChapters: 1/1
Fandom: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Iron Man (Movies)
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Characters: Pepper Potts, Bruce Banner
Additional Tags: Handcuffed Together, Extremis is the third heat, friends don't let friends smoke
Summary:
Pepper & Bruce: friends-in-law, Bobbsey Twins, and the big guns you'd rather keep in the holster.
