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I'm about six months into the new job, and many of my co-workers are ten to twenty years my junior (the rest are about ten to twenty years my senior). Due to my unique generational position, varied resume and proven ability to code-switch by class, I've become the resource for Things Too Complicated to Google.
"I'm trying to sign up for the 401k stuff but it keeps asking me to pick investments. I don't want to invest it! I just want to do the 401k!"
Answer: Here's a quick and superficial explanation of mutual funds. A 401k is not really a saving account, the closest you can come in this case is a money market fund. Unspoken: There are five things I'm not mentioning yet because you're not ready grasshopper, but even if it all goes to shit the employee contribution you're investing is less than a tank of gas, so it's okay to learn by doing.
"I've been doing [complicated dieting regime couched in terms like 'healthy' and 'nutritious', redacted because these memes are toxic]. That's sounds healthy, right?"
Answer: All I can recommend is to think of 'processing' as an ingredient and just dial that down. Investigate traditional foodways. If you must keep metrics, write down what you eat and then how you feel over the next day. If you want to tweak your metabolism, lift heavy weight. Unspoken: Your gut has been honed for billions of years to consume, digest and survive. It has no sense of fairness, humor, or team spirit. You cannot fight The Worm and win.
"Feldman took a bullet for us volunteering to work on the accreditation project."
Answer: The key is to stay awake, that's all. Unspoken: Feldman would rather tackle industry standards auditing and technical writing than plan a client social outing any day of the week.
Why all these pop quizzes all of a sudden?
Because I'm forty-two, and apparently this is the year when I become an avatar of The Answer to Life, The Universe and Everything.
"I'm trying to sign up for the 401k stuff but it keeps asking me to pick investments. I don't want to invest it! I just want to do the 401k!"
Answer: Here's a quick and superficial explanation of mutual funds. A 401k is not really a saving account, the closest you can come in this case is a money market fund. Unspoken: There are five things I'm not mentioning yet because you're not ready grasshopper, but even if it all goes to shit the employee contribution you're investing is less than a tank of gas, so it's okay to learn by doing.
"I've been doing [complicated dieting regime couched in terms like 'healthy' and 'nutritious', redacted because these memes are toxic]. That's sounds healthy, right?"
Answer: All I can recommend is to think of 'processing' as an ingredient and just dial that down. Investigate traditional foodways. If you must keep metrics, write down what you eat and then how you feel over the next day. If you want to tweak your metabolism, lift heavy weight. Unspoken: Your gut has been honed for billions of years to consume, digest and survive. It has no sense of fairness, humor, or team spirit. You cannot fight The Worm and win.
"Feldman took a bullet for us volunteering to work on the accreditation project."
Answer: The key is to stay awake, that's all. Unspoken: Feldman would rather tackle industry standards auditing and technical writing than plan a client social outing any day of the week.
Why all these pop quizzes all of a sudden?
Because I'm forty-two, and apparently this is the year when I become an avatar of The Answer to Life, The Universe and Everything.
