It's like a bomb went off in my babymaker

Every quarter, like an accounting function, I get DethMetalPeriod. This is one of those times. This is not an oven going through a normal cleaning cycle.  It's the seasonal hard reboot on the system.  This feels more like an industrial kiln and a machine that turns cars into cubes have merged into a beast trying to rip itself free of my pelvis. I can feel my uterine ligaments aching, like guy wires about to snap from tension. I want to smash the shit out of something and then take a long brandy-fortified nap.