doing the can-can
Oct. 27th, 2019 08:41 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
feldmanBrain log, stardate whateverthefuck:
This year I didn't take my usual summer break from the system of checklists and figurative gold stars that brace my faltering executive function during the winter depression, instead I applied my summer ability to organize and plan into testing out upgrades.
I was spared the dithering this fall about how much to start doing when, or starting too late to keep on top of things. Instead most of it's already ingrained habit, and I just added in the therapy light and the extra vitamin D3 in September and those didn't feel like failure or surrender.
~*~
I have serious issues with the snake oil aspect of the industry, which is a hot mess right now, but I have to say that dialing in the cannabinoids for migraine has been a game-changer for me. High cannabidiol, but using full-spectrum stuff so it's technically micro-dosing THC and all the rest.
The headache log was very disheartening at first, because for a long time I'd been ignoring a lot of brain grumbling and powering through, so it sucked to look it square in the face. Over a couple months of actually listening to it, and actively babying it with all the things that help (ice, reduced light and sound, massage, etc.), and then figuring out an effective dose and route, the frequency and intensity of brain grumbles have both reduced, and I'm no longer shredding my stomach with so much ibuprofen. I'm now infusing my own oil from flower, because at heart I'm a fucking hippy with a crockpot. Or in this case, a sous vide and mason jars.
I'm also wondering if it's had an effect on mood, frankly, though it's impossible to tease out how much of the lessening anxiety is/isn't due to less chronic pain and hence less concern about being stuck fighting my brain in overstimulating situations. Or due to continuing to use my winter organization systems even in summer, and getting a better handle on shit in general.
Things are in a good place right now, which is it's own worry, because there's always down to go. So maybe it's not lowered anxiety, maybe it's just having more resources left over to deal with it.
~*~
In other news, I'm knitting a sweater, sorting through old boxes of jenk, exercising kind of regularly, still freaking out about finishing Electronic Thumb, still salty about Endgame, and work is entering the busiest quarter.
This year I didn't take my usual summer break from the system of checklists and figurative gold stars that brace my faltering executive function during the winter depression, instead I applied my summer ability to organize and plan into testing out upgrades.
I was spared the dithering this fall about how much to start doing when, or starting too late to keep on top of things. Instead most of it's already ingrained habit, and I just added in the therapy light and the extra vitamin D3 in September and those didn't feel like failure or surrender.
~*~
I have serious issues with the snake oil aspect of the industry, which is a hot mess right now, but I have to say that dialing in the cannabinoids for migraine has been a game-changer for me. High cannabidiol, but using full-spectrum stuff so it's technically micro-dosing THC and all the rest.
The headache log was very disheartening at first, because for a long time I'd been ignoring a lot of brain grumbling and powering through, so it sucked to look it square in the face. Over a couple months of actually listening to it, and actively babying it with all the things that help (ice, reduced light and sound, massage, etc.), and then figuring out an effective dose and route, the frequency and intensity of brain grumbles have both reduced, and I'm no longer shredding my stomach with so much ibuprofen. I'm now infusing my own oil from flower, because at heart I'm a fucking hippy with a crockpot. Or in this case, a sous vide and mason jars.
I'm also wondering if it's had an effect on mood, frankly, though it's impossible to tease out how much of the lessening anxiety is/isn't due to less chronic pain and hence less concern about being stuck fighting my brain in overstimulating situations. Or due to continuing to use my winter organization systems even in summer, and getting a better handle on shit in general.
Things are in a good place right now, which is it's own worry, because there's always down to go. So maybe it's not lowered anxiety, maybe it's just having more resources left over to deal with it.
~*~
In other news, I'm knitting a sweater, sorting through old boxes of jenk, exercising kind of regularly, still freaking out about finishing Electronic Thumb, still salty about Endgame, and work is entering the busiest quarter.
