Fun fact: I think my lack of internal positive reinforcement actually helped me curb my impulsivity, but that dynamic also strengthened the habit of inaction.
I could get negative reinforcement (bad thing is avoided or removed=relief), negative punishment (good thing is removed=probably deserved it), positive punishment (bad thing is added=price I paid for fucking up). But positive reinforcement (good thing added=file not found) like, yeah, okay, check it off the list, maybe remind myself of it later for rassurance it's done, but success had the same emotional valence as a grocery list.
And that satisfied glow is kind of like sourdough starter for baking future actions.
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branchandroot
"the satisfaction of a job well done" when your cake-or-death meter can only show death
Date: 2025-03-14 03:26 pm (UTC)I could get negative reinforcement (bad thing is avoided or removed=relief), negative punishment (good thing is removed=probably deserved it), positive punishment (bad thing is added=price I paid for fucking up). But positive reinforcement (good thing added=file not found) like, yeah, okay, check it off the list, maybe remind myself of it later for rassurance it's done, but success had the same emotional valence as a grocery list.
And that satisfied glow is kind of like sourdough starter for baking future actions.