This little piggy went to the ER...

[feldman]

FeldDad and I share a peculiar pinky toe, which leans over its buddy and never actually touches the ground. In concert with a family tendency to very sturdy skeletons, short of a car crash I never expected to break a bone. Much less my Congenitally Vestigial Toe.

Apparently if you miscalculate a doorway and kick a wall hard enough, and that wall is fifty-year-old wet plaster and ceramic tile, the wall will handily win over the Vestigial Toe.

Points when I should have known I'd fucked up:

T minues zero: when a distinct part of the sensation was a wet crack like breaking into a crab claw.

T plus one minute: after hopping into the Cmonkey's room, gripping her bed and trying not to swear--and having to breathe before overcoming the urge and unleashing a resounding "FUCK!" gasp, "Oh, fucking fuck!"

To her credit, Cmonkey simply asked from her seat on the little potty, "You hurt your leg? Let me kiss it."

T plus five minutes: crouching to pull up Cmonkey's pants, the toe burned. I've never had an impact injury burn before, much less in a second-degree way.

Then we continued to swim class, which is normally a family proposition, but Mr. F had to work so we went solo. This is the depth of my zombiesque stoicism: driving a toddler to swim class, wrangling us into suits, swimming, wrangling us into dry clothes and driving back with only a pause to take some ibuprofen because man, that toe still really hurt.

T plus three hours: Mr. F transplanted Cmonkey from her carseat, tucked her in for a nap, and I'd only made it ten feet up the driveway. I'm summarily sent to the couch with an icepack and buddy-taped toes.

T plus five hours: Vestigial Toe now looks like it's been crossed with a rainbow and a balloon animal. I'm given the choice whether to go to the ER. After ten minutes of deliberation, Mr. F withdraws the question and starts packing for the wait involved in "this is so not an emergency, but it also can't wait two days for office hours".

T plus seven hours: radiologist informs me that congenitally crooked toe's buddy is also crooked in a complementary way. I must tell FeldDad.

T plus nine hours: Random dude in black scrubs comes by and says, "So it looks like it's broken."

Mistaking his offhand diagnosis for introductory small talk, I reply, "Yeah, it does, doesn't it?"

"No, on the x-ray. It's subtle, but it's fractured right there." Black Scubs Dude--apparently a newbie doctor who's watched too much House to feel my injury merits my knowing his name--deigns (dares!) to trace a finger across the base of Vestigial Toe. I only know his name now because the name on my scrip for Happy Meds isn't the other doctor who talked to me (his BOSS, who INTRODUCED HIMSELF AND SHOOK MY HAND BEFORE FEELING UP MY OUCHIE THANKS EVER SO FUCKING MUCH BLACK SCRUBS JACKHOLE).

At least he asked me what my favorite flavor of painkiller was, because if they'd tried passing off any lameass Vicodin I'd've humped back into the building and skullfucked him with a crutch.

Oh, hey, guess what's worn off?

ETA:
So they gave me my x-rays on a cd, and the dude in black scrubs was right, subtle is a nice word for "seriously, that's it?". I have to say, if this much ouch can come out of a crack that tiny, my appalled sympathies go out to anyone who's ever truly broken anything. Like in actual pieces. Or through the skin. Or a bone bigger than a frickin' piece of gum to begin with:

(I bumped up the contrast and added notes, cropping out my Bruce Wayne id. So not Batman!)

Comments

[kernezelda]

*sends you a whole cotton-soft pillowfull of sympathy*

You are indeed a stoic little workhorse, aren't you?

[rubberneck.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'm a procrastinator from way back, so when I have the energy or feel the need is greater than how I feel I swing 180 degrees and just keep plugging away until I fall out of the traces.

I actually still felt like a jackass up until I had the break confirmed--yeah, it hurt, but I could limp a bit and avoid putting weight on it. It was the bruising that I couldn't shrug off (because Mr. F's broken foot bones before, and yeah, at a certain point I'll concede that I'm not to be trusted to make a sane judgement).

[noelleleithe.livejournal.com]

Owie! Sorry about the bad break, but glad you went to the ER. (You DID see Mira Sorvino almost die on House from a broken toe, right?? *g*)

[rubberneck.livejournal.com]

Hee! I do remember that one. Of course, our favorite refrain during House is when someone suggests sarcoidosis:

"Come on! It's *never* sarcoidosis!"

[scorpy808.livejournal.com]

Ooph oucihe ugh pfft ... I should throw in a, "fuck!" for good measure too. I don't handle toe injuries well myself ... so you're a real trooper there! *sends you ice and happy flavored pain killers and smacks Black Scrubs Dude on your behalf*

[rubberneck.livejournal.com]

My trooperness is more a vicious case of being severly out of touch with my body when I can't be bothered. I'm officially Not Allowed to assess my own injuries anymore.

[leiliaxf.livejournal.com]

aaaaaaah!!!! <---wincing in sympathy...

The moral of this story is...

...

....

hell. There's no moral; but at least you got to pick your poison ;)

[rubberneck.livejournal.com]

I do love the codeine in that respect 8 )

[danceswithwords.livejournal.com]

Ow! Here's to a fast recovery and the good painkillers.

[rubberneck.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Although I am slightly disappointed that my glow-in-the-dark toenail polish doesn't show up on the x-rays.

[kixxa.livejournal.com]

Oouchie. *wincing in sympathy* Is it too late for ice?

[rubberneck.livejournal.com]

It's never too late for ice! And you should call FBF again, I can attest she's great on the phone with non-phone-type people ; )

But you're the one with the cute accent *hee*

[kixxa.livejournal.com]

Hee! Ice is the best. I heard that it's good for about 72 hours after an impact event. Ouch again... oooh, so not nice. :(

I'm definitely gonna phone FBF again next weekend, 'cause it's probably a bit late over there now. If I phone at 10am here, I've worked out that it's about 8:00pm over there. And, I'll be okay once I get going...I hope...*g*

[scapeartist.livejournal.com]

Yeeouch! Stupid baby toe gettin' in the way. Evolution is too slow I say! I hope the little fucker heals fast. :)

I figure if I was in denial about being in labor (drove myself to the hospital after taking the dog out to play), you can be in denial about a broken toe. heeee....

[rubberneck.livejournal.com]

I've always considered that toe a kind of mascot, the way it rides on top of the other one MasterBlaster-style.

Pinky Winky rules TootsieTown!

[rebism.livejournal.com]

Given that I've never broken anything, you have my sympathy even for something that small! Get better soon!

[rubberneck.livejournal.com]

*hugs you!*

[lomer.livejournal.com]

So what was the diagnosis? Buddy taping it to the next toe, ice, elevation, and rest?

Broken toes suck. I broke one of mine onstage during a dance show and I couldn't leave the stage for five songs. Then I rushed backstage, taped the sucker and finished the show. Oh, and it was the first night of the run. Yep, broken toes suck. But if you actually REST instead of dance on it, it'll probably heal decently quickly. It takes about three weeks.

[lomer.livejournal.com]

Oh by the way take some ibProfin if the hospital didn't give you anything. It'll help with the swelling which will help with the healing! If you didn't break the skin, you can also use Arnica Gel to help with the bruising and swelling. It's a homeopathic remedy and you can find it in any health store. It basically helps unblock the veins so healing can happen. I've used it a lot with minor injuries. It won't heal your broken bone, but it'll help with some of the effects of the broken bone (swelling, bruising, angry tendons, etc.)

[rubberneck.livejournal.com]

I've been icing and resting it, and I have good painkillers for the next week. It's buddy-taped, and I have a splint and crutches for getting around.

I can imagine finishing that first show, as I had a window before the bruising kicked in where I could focus and ignore it. But damn baby, that's dedication to get back onto it the next day, and the next.

[lomer.livejournal.com]

Well I was on the dance team. It's not like someone could just fill in for me. Sometimes accidents happen.

Good luck on the healing process!

Things This Story Tells Me

[life-on-queen.livejournal.com]

1) Crutches appear to be e-communicable among the hussies

2) Your kung-fu is still the best (or possibly the worst... the kneebone's connected to the toe?)

3) "I'd've humped back into the building and skullfucked him with a crutch." was not a thought that crossed my mind when I visited the clinic last week but it's a fucking funny thought - and no one offered me anything at the clinic... I'm jealous

What this story does not tell me...

What do you get someone who fractured her baby toe?

*hugs*

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

Hugs you and sends fond wishes to the broken toe.

I've...I'm incapable of taking feet injuries (on myself) seriously unless someone else intervenes. Also, it never seems worth it to deal with the ER. Which means I'm proud of you for going in!!

I've broken my little toes and second little toes on both feet (you've seen my feet - you know what a mess they are) and the second toe and it hurt so badly I had to sleep it off and then went to ballet the next day because I figured toes weren't something you took care of, you just taped and suffered.

Rolls eyes and is glad Mr. F is there for triage, because no, I do not believe you to be a good gauge of your pain levels:)

[ropo.livejournal.com]

Oh dear oh dear. Pain is bad, man. I do give props to touchy-feely new!doc for even seeing a break on the x-ray though! And your insurance is better than mine if you get a choice where Vicodin is an option. My insurance likes to prescribe Tylenol. Just the regular stuff. Which, I realize, ISN'T EVEN A PRESCRIPTION, JUST SOMETHING YOUR MOM COULD TELL YOU. Sorry, didn't mean to take over your injury for my rant. Get well soon. Kisses.