Rant #1

[feldman]

sophia_helix wrote something brave this morning about size and self-perception that not only hit close to home, it also made me think that perhaps I might have something to add.

I've been that person (and sometimes I still am); ashamed of my body, disgusted with what it says about my life history, seeing the flesh I'm in as the accumulated evidence of failure and weakness. I'm still there in some respects, having only traveled halfway toward the body I'd like to live in. I remember that disconnect whenever I saw myself in a photo and was forced to see my body from the outside, forced to acknowledge that the dark hot embarrassed thoughts I had when I looked down at my rolls and my infant-soft proportions were based in truth: I was burying the familiar lines of my body underneath material evidence of how much I sucked.

Right now, halfway between my heaviest and my goal, I've maybe gained some perspective on the situation that I couldn't see before. I'm sure it will still be a confusing jumble, but maybe I'll say something that clicks.

I don't have answers, because those answers are always going to be personal. But I can at least tell you how I started walking away from that place.


First and foremost you must realize that America is set up for the manufacture of human veal.

This is nothing more than the best available expression of the body's desires for rich food and rest. These are premium luxuries for the human body, and in the environments we were forged in by evolution, there was no way to overindulge in them. Hence, there are no brakes on these desires other than what we establish consciously. And like any survival desire, it's best to work out an indulgence plan that satisfies both the primal and the civilized mind: if you deny the primal, it will eventually break you. This is why traditional diet plans do not work, and in fact, can make you lose ground in the long run.

We're built to rest, and to eat all the things we find yummy. We're also built to use our bodies during the day. All of these things are important and necessary; what makes the difference between lifestyle-induced health and lifestyle-induced illness is the balance between these things.

If you forage or farm, if you hunt or run a household in the traditional sense of keeping a family and their homestead fed, clothed and clean, you can take every available opportunity for leisure and still get plenty of exercise; you can eat all the fat and salt and sugar you can get your hands on and it will only help fuel you better. You can eat all the butter you want if you're keeping the cows, milking them, and churning the stuff yourself (or doing laundry for the lady who keeps the dairy).

Most Americans live in a very different environment, where rest and high-calorie foods are the norm and not a spice. The shape of our cities means that we drive nearly everywhere; the shape of our economy means we tend to sit or stand still at work; the shape of our food distribution means that what is available is what sells. What sells are the things that appeal to our primal desires for salt, fat and sugar, foods that give the most satisfactory bang for the buck (especially when we're eating on the go, eating distracted so that the food must clamor for our attention like a movie trailer). These foods are also cheaper to make and easier to store.

It takes effort and planning to add exercise to a typical American's day. It must be added back in because our bodies were built to need it, they just were never in an environment where it was optional, and so never developed a desire in order to obtain it. But we know from experience now that if you do not demand work from the body it will deteriorate to the point where it will not function; first the muscles and bones, then the fundamental systems of the body will begin to show the ravages of sitting still. Add high-calorie low nutrition food to the picture and you get where our country is heading in the next few decades.

Veal are killed young, but the typical veal-lifestyle American will ride those consequences out to the bitter end. The smart cynics are investing in diabetes therapies: it's gonna be huge.

So the first suggestion is twofold: recognize that your current lifestyle is making you into human veal and understand that it will take daily effort to break out of the pen and live differently. That every day you wander out and about and nibble the grass in the fields, you do yourself a favor.

You have a great advantage over veal. You are in control of your own body. You decide what to put into it, where it goes and what it does. The accumulated effect of these choices is what shapes your body's look and function. You don't have to be veal; you can choose to be anything else.



Up next: rants on the Zen of human body maintenance, and the lack of mirroring images for women in media (note to self: lack of Tara-sized women; tall or muscular women, cushy women in non-mom roles, Firefly as a (sad) standout with Zoe and Kaylee as healthy body-types; standard commercial pairing of doughy man and slim wife; commercially-perpetuated myth that only slim women can have fun in public or sex in private (we don't think that only white women in chinos clean their houses, do we? then why do we buy this?) maybe wrap up with the fact that BMI is a sick joke that feeds into the perception that the only 'healthy' woman is a thin weedy one).

Comments

[hesychasm]

Good rant. Gonna memorify it. And I look forward to the next ones.

[rubberneck.livejournal.com]

Glad you liked it 8 )

[electricland.livejournal.com]

Amen to that, and I'm looking forward to your next rant.

For the record, I think almost every Western woman has been programmed for self-loathing to a certain extent. You have to fight really hard to escape the feelings of inferiority that come from all those media images of slim, flawless, airbrushed beauty. No matter how close you get to the "ideal", there will always be something about yourself that you don't like. (I thought the scene in Mean Girls where the Plastics are standing in front of the mirror engaging in competitive self-loathing was both priceless and very sad.) Not to mention that those around us who love us give us praise for slimness and sympathy for weight gain. By and large I like how I look, and in the cosmic lottery I got genes for height and a metabolism that burns most of what I throw at it, so my body size and shape more or less fit the parameters for general social acceptability (and means my grandmother doesn't comment about how pretty I'd be if I would make the effort to lose some weight, like she does my cousin). This leaves me free to fret about large thighs, stubby fingers, extra fat around the hips and belly, bra size, stretch marks, scars, and skin problems. You can't win. I'm sure Anna Kournikova has issues...

(Aside: I laughed and mocked quite a lot at a review of the new biography of Anna Wintour (Vogue editor, or editrix as they insisted on calling her) in which the author was startled and shocked to discover that she doesn't actually like women very much! Imagine! Gee, anyone who's ever read Vogue or any other fashion magazine knows that they're dedicated to making women feel good about themselves. /sarcasm)

For the record, I also think that you are beautiful.

As far as the veal production goes: I have a hard time remembering that exercise actually does make me feel better. My natural state is complete sloth, and I'm fortunate enough, or whatever, to get away with it most of the time. Eating "right" only comes half naturally to me, and it's a series of conscious choices I have to make every day -- have I eaten vegetables today? wouldn't it be better to buy a bag of apples instead of this bag of cookies? sure I want to eat salad! Yummy salad!

Sorry, this got long. But thanks for posting.

[life-on-queen.livejournal.com]

means my grandmother doesn't comment about how pretty I'd be if I would make the effort to lose some weight, like she does my cousin

Or, y'know, your friend... Not that I'm still bitter about that or anything.

[rubberneck.livejournal.com]

For the record, I think almost every Western woman has been programmed for self-loathing to a certain extent.

Well I think the more we're fixated on our appearance, the easier we are to sell to, and the less troublesome we are about important matters. Can you imagine if all that excess energy were suddenly directed outwards?

As far as the veal production goes: I have a hard time remembering that exercise actually does make me feel better. My natural state is complete sloth, and I'm fortunate enough, or whatever, to get away with it most of the time.

I think this is the human condition; the problem results from the disconnect between our built-in preferences and our environment, and some folks have more frugal genes so that their bodies suffer more under a rich and sedentary lifestyle. But the urge to eat well and rest as much as possible is a basic part of our animal heritage. It's how we deal with that in the modern environment, how much conscious steering we're able to exert to both satisfy those urges and keep our bodies healthy--that's the trick.

[electricland.livejournal.com]

Can you imagine if all that excess energy were suddenly directed outwards?

The Beauty Myth lives large, baby!

[rubberneck.livejournal.com]

The what-now?

[electricland.livejournal.com]

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0060512180/qid=1111608087/sr=8-1/ref=pd_csp_1/104-5638468-3006338?v=glance&s=books&n=507846

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

But be forewarned about Naomi Wolf. She's sort of doing pop-psych feminism. The book is fantastically relevant, but Wolf bugs me for some reason. She's sort of... smug.

[rubberneck.livejournal.com]

I think I may have read that one years ago, actually. IIRC, she has a tendency to see conspiracies and agendas where in reality there may only be convergent thinking and fear of change. "Misconceptions" struck me the same way, and that was only a few years ago that I read it.

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

Misconceptions made me sort of nauseated. It's the worst of her books I think. But yeah, she tends to draw interesting conclusions with no basis in fact.

[life-on-queen.livejournal.com]

Interesting, 'cause Misconceptions is the only one of her books I've ever read, but the conclusions and stats she quotes did tend to jog with what I'd previously read on the subject.

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

She does her research, I just... she tends to link things up out of nowhere. She bothers me for a lot of reasons, and I think it's mostly the smug.

[electricland.livejournal.com]

Tis true (from my hazy recollection, at least -- I haven't read the book since it came out). But fantastically relevant can't be all bad.

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

Nah, I made it through The Beauty Myth and agreed and felt liberated by a lot of it, but Wolf still bugs me and her other books made me want to tear my hair out.

[electricland.livejournal.com]

I guess I stopped while the going was good. Since Beauty Myth I've mostly been reading reviews of her books and going "Ummm... maybe not." :D

[life-on-queen.livejournal.com]

Well, I've got Misconceptions if you're interested. I never did read all the other Feminist tracts you lent me to read in uni.

[electricland.livejournal.com]

...can I have them back, then?

[life-on-queen.livejournal.com]

I gave'em back to you. Ages ago, I believe.

[cretkid.livejournal.com]

I'm with you, babe.

:-D

When I was younger, and in school all the time, exercise was a normal part of life. Be it Little League or street football when I was in grade school, or soccer/basketball/softball practice every day from 2:30 until 5:30 and games in the weekends. When I hit college, I ate right (meaning I didn't ALWAYS eat burgers and fries) and still I got the Freshmen-40 -- but at the time, it actually was a very healthy weight gain for me.

I found my pedometer the other day; it had been sitting on a shelf because I needed to replace the batteries and I finally went and did that this weekend (when I wasn't hacking like a wounded seal on the couch). And I found it interesting that, yeah, simply walking the dog - even once a day, as I'm nto quite up to twice a day right now - teaching, and my usual walking around the building, I'm walking the equivalent of about 5 miles a day (12,000 steps, at approximately a 3-foot stride) and that's with just walking the dog ONCE.

We live a sedentary life style, unfortunately. I had my greatest weight gain a couple of years ago when pneumonia knocked me flat for almost 5 months (reoccurring episodes of bronchitis, finally culminating in pneumonia and a kickass effort to rid my house of all wallpaper -- evil evil EVIL (and old) stuff!). Part of that weighth gain was the prednisone (I misspelled that) and so, well, yeah, a lot of that is muscle weight. I certainly don't LOOK like I weight 180 pounds right now -- which is what I weigh currently -- I would LOVE to be back down to 165, which was my weight BEFORE the never ending battle with bronchitis.

And walking has certainly helped in that endeavor. I'm down to 180 from 195 just a few years ago... I was down to 170 last summer, and it's my intention to be BACK down there this summer and STAY there and possibly go farther.

And until I got sick a while ago -- again, damn allergies -- I was back into a regular exercise routine. I need to add a bit of weight training into it, and that will happen soon enough. But tack on those extra miles on a bike to the already 5 miles I'm walking a day just doing normal stuff, and I can afford to splurge on Dunkin Donuts (for a bagel, not a donut) every once in a while.

It's the simple things that we take for granted - walking the dog, for example, or a walk after dinner - that CAN make all the difference if you make a conscious effort to do them on a daily basis.

I hide behind big clothes, but I've always found big clothes comforting. And if I'm in a comfortable mood, I'm a happier person. I'm more willing to go out and do things without my subconscious piping in my ear saying 'you're gonna look like a fool!' if I'm comfortable doing it!

Still won't get into a bathing suit, but that's another story all together.

:D

Anyway. LOVE the rant, please continue. And now I need to tack on another couple hundred steps teaching... actually, I wonder how much movement I DO make when teaching... I should monitor this.

[rubberneck.livejournal.com]

I certainly don't LOOK like I weight 180 pounds right now -- which is what I weigh currently -- I would LOVE to be back down to 165, which was my weight BEFORE the never ending battle with bronchitis.

This ties into my impending rant about healthy images and how BMI is a dangerous crock of shit masquerading as a scientific tool. All NHL hockey players score in the obese category on BMI. Even my goal weight is at the borderline of unhealthy on this travesty of a chart. I've seen you, and I wouldn't have guessed you weighed 180 because you're built well and your body is tuned to an active lifestyle.

I hide behind big clothes, but I've always found big clothes comforting. And if I'm in a comfortable mood, I'm a happier person. I'm more willing to go out and do things without my subconscious piping in my ear saying 'you're gonna look like a fool!' if I'm comfortable doing it!

This is an excellent point, because there's so much commercial pressure in the other direction, that only people who look a certain way (i.e., thin and pretty) can have fun or be active or accomplish the things they want. You see it so often, somebody drops weight and suddenly they can do all the things they couldn't when they were fat--but they could do those things before, they just wouldn't let themselves. And so weight becomes an acceptable excuse not to accomplish, not to even try, and that's high-grade bullshit, IMO.

I seem to have drifted from my original point; beyond certain physical limitations, fat should not be considered a handicap or social disease. The more we buy into that crap the worse off we'll be, as more and more talented people who gain weight because of the American lifestyle get sucked into this morass of self-loathing that seems to go along with it like a shadow.

[cretkid.livejournal.com]

fat should not be considered a handicap or social disease. The more we buy into that crap the worse off we'll be, as more and more talented people who gain weight because of the American lifestyle get sucked into this morass of self-loathing that seems to go along with it like a shadow.

EXACTLY! Leading a healthy lifestyle does not mean fitting into a size 6 dress! Am I happy wearing a size 16 pant (and that's mostly for the length than anything else), yes. Why? Because my size is not what defines ME.

I will go to SAMs Club or Walmart or whereever and buy a large T-shirt and a pair of large shorts, not because I am large, but because I particularly like the length. I hate showing my ankles in pants. I like my shorts to reach my knees (though, that may be conditioning by the nuns that said your skirt and your shorts have to be knee length and they made you kneel down to make sure the cuffs hit the floor), I like my shirts to cover my ass. Why? Don't know. Just do.

My mom mentioned the fact that it looked like I was losing weight. It wasn't so much that I lost weight, but I was wearing a different cut of pants (not nearly as bulky as my normal winter pants -- so that I can comfortably wear mid-weight long johns underneath).

I hate watching shows like "What Not to Wear" and the ilk, but they make one point extremely well - it's not all about WHAT you wear, but HOW you wear it. With the obsession about body image and how one might look to the public, if you take the time to find articles of clothing that compliment your body style, you feel better. If you feel better, you're bound to do MORE things that are good FOR you. Better your idea of body image, you start with a better mindset, you're in a HEALTHIER state of mind and you ARE HEALTHY.

Zen is a good thing.

:-D

[scrubschick.livejournal.com]

t's not all about WHAT you wear, but HOW you wear it Exactly. Finding clothes that compliment your body type rather than trying to squeeze your ass into something designed for someone much smaller. Or, in my case, younger. Just because it comes in your size doesn't mean it suits you. I'm guilty of buying things which I should NOT be wearing at my age. Damn whomever brought back hip huggers! Must. Stop. Buying. Those.

And, as I said in cretkid's journal, just because one is slender (thank you, genetics!) doesn't mean one is healthy. I am way too sedentary, especially in colder weather. Keep talking, gals. You may motivate me to exercise. You've at least pushed the 'guilt button.' I am feeling smug at the moment because all I did on vacation (when not driving to and from) was walk. If only I can keep it up. Must. Buy. Pedometer. Not hip-huggers. :D

[life-on-queen.livejournal.com]

Can I turn my psyche over to you for care and feeding? Because I think you'd do a much better job at keeping my head on straight than I am...

I'm at the end of a long road, looking down at how much work and self-denial and discipline it will take to get my body to where it should be. I try to tell myself I should look forward to it but most of the time... Ack, nevermind--this is going to get whiny and depressing.

Settling for an Amen, sister, and I respect and admire you so much. *hugs*

[rubberneck.livejournal.com]

I'm at the end of a long road, looking down at how much work and self-denial and discipline it will take to get my body to where it should be.

Don't look that far ahead, look a few months out and work toward that; more important, celebrate any progress forward no matter how small. It builds over time, it's like water carving canyons or someone sculpting marble, you concentrate on the flow, on the rasp of the tool, on enjoying life and taking care of yourself a little each day and it will build over time (both the results and your ability to give your body what it needs).

I try to tell myself I should look forward to it but most of the time... Ack, nevermind--this is going to get whiny and depressing.

Why the hell *should* you look forward to it? After a while, once exercise becomes a habit, you do miss it when it's gone--but I've only very rarely looked forward to exercise. I get into a groove once I start, I feel accomplished when I'm done, and I feel better overall when I've got the habit working. But I almost always have to consciously make myself do it.

Remembering how out of shape I was when I first started, and contemplating starting at that level again, frankly that makes me nauseous and weepy just thinking about it (and that image is part of what gets me back on the wagon each time, before I slide that far back in strength or endurance). It's hard damned work to reclaim one's body; it's not something to look forward to doing so much as looking forward to having *done*.

You're working on a self-made woman, you know? It takes time and sweat and whining-while-doing-it is perfectly understandable.

[sophia-helix.livejournal.com]

Ooo, I was trying to get at this in my post, but couldn't quite work it in. Sometimes it feels like the most unbelievable uphill slog to have the world tell you what to look like, while also selling as hard as they can the things that will make you look the opposite. Going through a normal grocery store is *astonishing*, just looking at all the terrible things that I am nearly powerless to resist. Good god. And nice job articulating it.

[rubberneck.livejournal.com]

Going through a normal grocery store is *astonishing*, just looking at all the terrible things that I am nearly powerless to resist. Good god. And nice job articulating it.

You really struck me this morning, enough that I was talking to myself as I drove in, all these things tumbling in my mind and I realized that maybe a few of these ideas might help, that some of the things I've figured out could offer a different perspective.

So many of us in this society are conditioned to see our situation as both 1. completely our fault and 2. inescapable. Understanding how our environment is set up to fatten us up and then make us feel bad about our shape (so much of these contrasting goads being commercially driven) is the first part of breaking out of it, I think.

Knowing that it was only partially my fault but that it was definitely escapable with effort, seeing my environment in a new light and hence seeing myself anew as well; this was the first breakthrough point for me.

I wish you well on your own trip toward a body you're happy to live in; it comes slowly, and often the hardest parts aren't the most physically demanding. I wish I could show you how I used to feel, that I sometimes feel that way still, but not nearly as often and that's a success as much as the physical changes; I wish I could give that to you instead of just standing here and yammering about how it's possible.

[sabaceanbabe.livejournal.com]

Brava! *bows down in awe at your way with words*

I've finally gotten myself to the point where I don't compare the way I look to every other woman I see. I can accept my body for what it is, but I *still* need to work on taking that body to where it should be -- not where society says it should be, but where my health says it should be.

Your li'l rant will help me with that. :)

[rubberneck.livejournal.com]

It's hard work to get there, but the best motivator I've ever encountered is the progress of feeling better, stronger and having more endurance. Experiencing the difference in how the body moves and feels, finding yourself able to do things you couldn't do before.

Setting up your own standards for your body, ones that go beyond the outer shape and get to the real factors of how it moves and feels and what it can do.

[ixchup.livejournal.com]

Yes! Exactly. The first step and the one that I am currently stepping into is accepting myself and my body. Then, FOR ME ONLY, the next step is to follow your goals and guide--change my behavior to one that fits how our bodies were designed. That is so difficult.

Thank you for your "rant". I'm putting it in memory and am going to pull it out daily and read it so that I can start down that hard road to health. The self-image thing has to come first.

[fourteenlines.livejournal.com]

You are Wise.


These foods are also cheaper to make and easier to store.

Yes, this.

I once had a talk with my acupuncturist about how much better I'd feel (and, after all, look) if I could eat all-organic. But it's so damn expensive, and cooking takes so long and is so depressing when you're doing it for one person, that it's almost a losing battle before you start.

It's something I'd thought about before, but it would never have occurred to me to use the "human veal" analogy. Brilliant.


You are in control of your own body.

Would that it weren't so damn hard. *g* I heard on the radio last week that the new recommendation for exercise is 60-90 minutes a day. I haven't done any research on this, but I know I heard it right because they were discussing it. I mean, who the hell has that kind of time?!